sometimes, unexpectedly, i realize just how far i have come. i remember being a freshman in high school and hearing about my friend's older sister, who was a junior in college. i always thought that was so old, mature, and accomplished. now that i'm here, it seems so different.
i am far from mature, constantly making mistakes, and completely lost 90% of the time.
i don't expect this to change much.
how did i get here? how has time flown so fast?
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
therapy
there is something so intrinsically therapeutic about ice cream.
especially cake and sprinkles ice cream from target.
helps soak up sorrows.
delicious.
especially cake and sprinkles ice cream from target.
helps soak up sorrows.
delicious.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
control.
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
control is like holding a baby bird in your hands.
if you're too controlling and hold it too tight, you'll crush it and kill it.
if you let go, the bird might sit in your hands, allowing you to appreciate its beauty.
or, it might fly away.
control is like holding a baby bird in your hands.
if you're too controlling and hold it too tight, you'll crush it and kill it.
if you let go, the bird might sit in your hands, allowing you to appreciate its beauty.
or, it might fly away.
Friday, October 22, 2010
huntington
no matter how old i get, i will always love the beach.
and i will always love my dad.
perfect combination.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
go giants.
there's just something innately great about watching a giants game. maybe it's buster posey. i'm not sure.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
lucy's basic fashion rules
donts:
1. sweatshirts are the most UNFLATTERING article of clothing a woman can ever wear. they should not be a staple article, but something you wear once or twice.
2. the sweatshirt is closely followed by a pair of overalls. those only look good if you're ages 0-10.
3. please do not wear leggings as pants. we can see your skivvies you hussy.
4. uggs with a jean mini skirt is the ultimate sign you're a bro-hoe. don't do it.
5. anything that slightly resembles a cape may only be worn on halloween.
6. we don't want to see your bra straps. they invented the strapless bra for a reason.
dos:
1. put feathers in your hair with clips and headbands.
2. try out some brighter colors. i mean, it is spring. a wardrobe that's all black says, "hello. i'm boring."
3. florals florals florals.
4. try some clothing with open or crocheted backs or asymmetry. one-shouldered pieces are fierce these days.
5. not everything has to match. try one outfit where nothing matches, but it goes. get it?
6. scarves are so in for the summer so don't pack them away with your winter peacoat just yet....
1. sweatshirts are the most UNFLATTERING article of clothing a woman can ever wear. they should not be a staple article, but something you wear once or twice.
2. the sweatshirt is closely followed by a pair of overalls. those only look good if you're ages 0-10.
3. please do not wear leggings as pants. we can see your skivvies you hussy.
4. uggs with a jean mini skirt is the ultimate sign you're a bro-hoe. don't do it.
5. anything that slightly resembles a cape may only be worn on halloween.
6. we don't want to see your bra straps. they invented the strapless bra for a reason.
dos:
1. put feathers in your hair with clips and headbands.
2. try out some brighter colors. i mean, it is spring. a wardrobe that's all black says, "hello. i'm boring."
3. florals florals florals.
4. try some clothing with open or crocheted backs or asymmetry. one-shouldered pieces are fierce these days.
5. not everything has to match. try one outfit where nothing matches, but it goes. get it?
6. scarves are so in for the summer so don't pack them away with your winter peacoat just yet....
Monday, May 3, 2010
summer
i don't know what it is about summer that makes it so intoxicating. i could be all the country songs about it, but i have a couple more ideas:
1. the anticipation. we strive all year to get through classes, tough social situations, work, drama, and constant stress, so we anticipate the freedom of summer. the freedom to travel, to laugh, to breathe a little deeper. after a week of finals, all of us are begging for a little R&R.
2. the romance. whether it's literature, music, or movies, there's something about summer that just begs the heart to leap into a summer romance. one that sends you on picnics in the sunshine, trips to the lake, or cool nights watching the stars.
3. the possibility. we can try a fun job, travel the world, go on a missions trip, spend time with family and friends, or just bum out on the couch watching tv, playing video games, and eating junk food. we can honestly choose to do whatever we please.
4. a change of scenery. we, as humans, love change. those people who say they hate change, they're either lying or they're robots. humans are programmed with a need to change it up every once in a while. why do you think makeover shows are so popular? by the beginning of fall, we will begin begging yet again for a change of scenery.
summer is in the air and everyone here is dying to jump headfirst into its sweet bliss. "it's a smile, it's a kiss, it's a sip of wine, it's summertime.... sweet summertime..."
1. the anticipation. we strive all year to get through classes, tough social situations, work, drama, and constant stress, so we anticipate the freedom of summer. the freedom to travel, to laugh, to breathe a little deeper. after a week of finals, all of us are begging for a little R&R.
2. the romance. whether it's literature, music, or movies, there's something about summer that just begs the heart to leap into a summer romance. one that sends you on picnics in the sunshine, trips to the lake, or cool nights watching the stars.
3. the possibility. we can try a fun job, travel the world, go on a missions trip, spend time with family and friends, or just bum out on the couch watching tv, playing video games, and eating junk food. we can honestly choose to do whatever we please.
4. a change of scenery. we, as humans, love change. those people who say they hate change, they're either lying or they're robots. humans are programmed with a need to change it up every once in a while. why do you think makeover shows are so popular? by the beginning of fall, we will begin begging yet again for a change of scenery.
summer is in the air and everyone here is dying to jump headfirst into its sweet bliss. "it's a smile, it's a kiss, it's a sip of wine, it's summertime.... sweet summertime..."
Sunday, April 18, 2010
listening to ben folds
as ben folds would say, "make me feel tiny if it makes you feel tall, but there's always someone cooler than you. yeah, you're the shit but you won't be it for long..."
at apu, i see a lot of this competition to be better than each other. who's the best christian, who looked better in their bikini by the UP pool, who put the coolest bible verse up as their facebook status, who has the busiest schedule of classes, community service, and leadership positions, who cooks the best, who has a better longboard sitting outside the caf waiting to be stolen, who has more leadership positions on their resume, who has all of the latest fashions.... the list goes on and on.
are we all so self-conscious that we create pride in ourselves by building off of the flaws we see in others? i think it's beautiful when we stop stepping on others to make ourselves feel better. that person is our brother, is our sister...
but this is bigger than that. i think it comes down to that we aren't confident in God. we aren't confident in the person God understands us to be, so we feel we have to be in competition with others to be deserving of God's attention and recognition.
you may feel cool now, but it won't last. "one-uping" people can only hold you up for so long. eventually, you'll have to face who you really are and (more importantly) God. God, when He judges us, is not going to compare us to others, but take us for what we are. that day could come at any moment. are you ready?
at apu, i see a lot of this competition to be better than each other. who's the best christian, who looked better in their bikini by the UP pool, who put the coolest bible verse up as their facebook status, who has the busiest schedule of classes, community service, and leadership positions, who cooks the best, who has a better longboard sitting outside the caf waiting to be stolen, who has more leadership positions on their resume, who has all of the latest fashions.... the list goes on and on.
are we all so self-conscious that we create pride in ourselves by building off of the flaws we see in others? i think it's beautiful when we stop stepping on others to make ourselves feel better. that person is our brother, is our sister...
but this is bigger than that. i think it comes down to that we aren't confident in God. we aren't confident in the person God understands us to be, so we feel we have to be in competition with others to be deserving of God's attention and recognition.
you may feel cool now, but it won't last. "one-uping" people can only hold you up for so long. eventually, you'll have to face who you really are and (more importantly) God. God, when He judges us, is not going to compare us to others, but take us for what we are. that day could come at any moment. are you ready?
Monday, April 5, 2010
huntington beach.
this place has become a favorite for me and my dad. it's like our secret escape, a little vacation from the crazyness.
tonight, after driving down from monterey, we walked on the windy! beach to watch the sun set into the raging ocean surface. nothing ruins an awesome sunset like oil rigs...
but after a beautiful sunset, and watching butler lose, we had dinner at one of the best sushi places i have ever eaten at. sushi on fire is officially the most delicious sushi place to date. except, a 5'4" round asian lady was very loud and bossy...scary.
one of the best days i have had in a long time.
why, you ask? long drive with someone who loves me dearly, and who i adore, beach sunset, delicious sushi, oh! soft serve from the friendliest employee who had some wicked hair, and feeling simply peaceful in my perfectly-made hotel bed.
despite having to leave the home i love, today has made me smile.
as my dad always says, it's about the little things.
tonight, after driving down from monterey, we walked on the windy! beach to watch the sun set into the raging ocean surface. nothing ruins an awesome sunset like oil rigs...
but after a beautiful sunset, and watching butler lose, we had dinner at one of the best sushi places i have ever eaten at. sushi on fire is officially the most delicious sushi place to date. except, a 5'4" round asian lady was very loud and bossy...scary.
one of the best days i have had in a long time.
why, you ask? long drive with someone who loves me dearly, and who i adore, beach sunset, delicious sushi, oh! soft serve from the friendliest employee who had some wicked hair, and feeling simply peaceful in my perfectly-made hotel bed.
despite having to leave the home i love, today has made me smile.
as my dad always says, it's about the little things.
Friday, April 2, 2010
chipped black nail polish
i have chipped black nail polish.
and similar to how i do not have the desire to repaint or remove, i have not had the energy to write for my very own blog. this blog is entiled: "you make me smile." well honestly, lately not much has been happening that makes me smile. so, here's to hoping something will come along soon...
....and that i repaint my nails.
oh, and matthew mcchonahy (or however you spell that...mc-con-ah-hay) should stop being in movies.
and similar to how i do not have the desire to repaint or remove, i have not had the energy to write for my very own blog. this blog is entiled: "you make me smile." well honestly, lately not much has been happening that makes me smile. so, here's to hoping something will come along soon...
....and that i repaint my nails.
oh, and matthew mcchonahy (or however you spell that...mc-con-ah-hay) should stop being in movies.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
gone.
life is a fragile thing.
we are here one day, gone the next.
like that switchfoot song...
it's fascinating how tragedy gives one a new perspective on the value of their own life.
me? i want to walk in the light every moment i have left.
why? because i don't know how many moments i have left. better cherish em.
loss is a truly terrible thing. but, there is a time for everything (ecclesiastes, chapter 3).
love. that's all there really is to it when you come down to it.
r.i.p. dearest amy.
we are here one day, gone the next.
like that switchfoot song...
it's fascinating how tragedy gives one a new perspective on the value of their own life.
me? i want to walk in the light every moment i have left.
why? because i don't know how many moments i have left. better cherish em.
loss is a truly terrible thing. but, there is a time for everything (ecclesiastes, chapter 3).
love. that's all there really is to it when you come down to it.
r.i.p. dearest amy.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
in the city...
1. big beautiful trees growing from underneath the cement. i'm talking giant roots lifting slabs of cement which used to be a flat sidewalk. the tree seems to be growing effortlessly beneath this great weight. the cement does not stall or inhibit its growth in the very least. does this serve as a metaphor for our relationships with God? no matter what weight or pressure we're under, our endurance and perseverance will help us grow strong. pretty sweet right?
2. found out what it felt like to be a minority. riding public transit and feeling out of place, different, like i didn't belong. very enlightening experience.
3. god's beauty is everywhere. in friendship, in the city, in big trees, everywhere... i have yet to find a place where God is not present.
2. found out what it felt like to be a minority. riding public transit and feeling out of place, different, like i didn't belong. very enlightening experience.
3. god's beauty is everywhere. in friendship, in the city, in big trees, everywhere... i have yet to find a place where God is not present.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
blessed are...
like trees losing their leaves, birds shedding old feathers, and toyota recalling all of those cars... nature seems to call for makeovers. a reinvention of who we are, what we look like, or how we act. it's natural to take a deep breath, and start over.
when you reinvent, you should mainly rely on yourself and not the strength or opinions of others. this is for you, and you alone. if you're reinventing yourself for someone else, or worse a boy, grow up. do something great for yourself.
and i'm not talking about blowing hundreds of dollars on new clothes, although that would be so much fun. it's like what alicia silverstone in clueless... "this time, i makeover my soul." such an insightful movie (sarcasm)...
mine? i'm drowning in an ocean of love (god's love, duh), getting another piercing, re-doing my hair, running more, eating better, practicing being more laid back and easy going, smiling more, and strengthening my confidence in who i am, with and without my friends.
sound good? you betcha.
the beatitudes say, "blessed are the poor in spirit..." i think this is because once we hit our lowest of lows, we see god and can build ourselves up again to find a great happiness. god desires for us not to worry, to be joyful and happy in his presence. but how can we appreciate being happy if we never experience times that truly break our hearts?
when you reinvent, you should mainly rely on yourself and not the strength or opinions of others. this is for you, and you alone. if you're reinventing yourself for someone else, or worse a boy, grow up. do something great for yourself.
and i'm not talking about blowing hundreds of dollars on new clothes, although that would be so much fun. it's like what alicia silverstone in clueless... "this time, i makeover my soul." such an insightful movie (sarcasm)...
mine? i'm drowning in an ocean of love (god's love, duh), getting another piercing, re-doing my hair, running more, eating better, practicing being more laid back and easy going, smiling more, and strengthening my confidence in who i am, with and without my friends.
sound good? you betcha.
the beatitudes say, "blessed are the poor in spirit..." i think this is because once we hit our lowest of lows, we see god and can build ourselves up again to find a great happiness. god desires for us not to worry, to be joyful and happy in his presence. but how can we appreciate being happy if we never experience times that truly break our hearts?
Friday, January 29, 2010
blah blah blah
people complain about everything. that they're hungry, about homework, the weather, being tired, missing people they even complain about people who complain. seem's like, for most people, when they speak is just a bunch of whining.
how rude? not only to those around us, but to god. we moan about how the lives or weather or food he has created for us just ain't good enough. we always think we can have, or deserve, it better. so we feel entitled to complain when things don't go our way.
not to be rude but, shut up! for crying out loud, sush.
like every other, i am guilty of this too. i complain about the complainers a lot.
why is this important? because we should shut our fat mouths and give em a rest so that we may be quiet and listen to the Lord.
i feel like prayer has turned into our personal complaint session with God. he taught us how to pray, but as we lay in bed, falling asleep, we list off all the things we didn't like about our day that "god needs to fix."
i think god gets sick and tired of that after a while to be honest....
and so do people around us.
why do we waste so much time being unhappy, when god gives us so many opportunities to be happy?
how rude? not only to those around us, but to god. we moan about how the lives or weather or food he has created for us just ain't good enough. we always think we can have, or deserve, it better. so we feel entitled to complain when things don't go our way.
not to be rude but, shut up! for crying out loud, sush.
like every other, i am guilty of this too. i complain about the complainers a lot.
why is this important? because we should shut our fat mouths and give em a rest so that we may be quiet and listen to the Lord.
i feel like prayer has turned into our personal complaint session with God. he taught us how to pray, but as we lay in bed, falling asleep, we list off all the things we didn't like about our day that "god needs to fix."
i think god gets sick and tired of that after a while to be honest....
and so do people around us.
why do we waste so much time being unhappy, when god gives us so many opportunities to be happy?
Monday, January 25, 2010
love.
"you are my love, my life, always forever...."
i am finding myself in increasingly odd sorts. it seems when i have no one, i find my self auctioning off my heart to the highest bidder.
which boy texted me back quickest today? which boy says im beautiful? which boy has known me longest?
i know it sounds sad, and a little pathetic i admit, but it's true and i know i'm not the only one who does this.
i take what i can get, not the best i can get. i feel like there's never a good time to be single.
but sadly, i always have more learning to do because that's just not true. as phil wickham sings, god always loves us. why do i sell my heart to the highest bidder when God has been bidding enormous amounts for me since before i was born. my heart should be long to Him, and that should make it content.
the hard thing is, this is one tough pill to swallow. i dont know why, it just us.
thankfully, i serve a patient, and loving father.
i am finding myself in increasingly odd sorts. it seems when i have no one, i find my self auctioning off my heart to the highest bidder.
which boy texted me back quickest today? which boy says im beautiful? which boy has known me longest?
i know it sounds sad, and a little pathetic i admit, but it's true and i know i'm not the only one who does this.
i take what i can get, not the best i can get. i feel like there's never a good time to be single.
but sadly, i always have more learning to do because that's just not true. as phil wickham sings, god always loves us. why do i sell my heart to the highest bidder when God has been bidding enormous amounts for me since before i was born. my heart should be long to Him, and that should make it content.
the hard thing is, this is one tough pill to swallow. i dont know why, it just us.
thankfully, i serve a patient, and loving father.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
hope.
i have a little something on my mind to share in light of recent events.
i often find myself being let-down. it's easy to point fingers at another and blame them for not meeting your expectations, but what if we've placed too much stock in others?
as i girl, a guy tells you you're beautiful and it makes you feel good the whole day. you're boyfriend bring you flowers, the guy behind you in the grocery line lends you a few dollars, or your roommate spontaneously vacuums your apartment. i'm not saying people shouldn't do nice things for one another, but do we place too much value in these little things that make us feel special or loved?
do we too often expect people to always make us feel special and loved? why?
there is a God who thought we were so special He sent His son to die for us. not to get all sunday morning preachy or anything, but God always thinks were special and always loves us, so why is it so important for others to do the same?
when someone in your life makes you feel special, you feel it presently, tangibly. God's love is much more undefinable, everlasting, intangible, and hard to grasp.... but that's why it's so beautiful.
we should treat each other with respect considering we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, but holding mere humans to the same standard as God? not going to happen. should we lower our expectations? maybe. but not at the cost of our self-respect. if your friends or boyfriend/girlfriend is flat-out treating you like crap, then no, do not lower your standards. you deserve to be treated as the beautiful creation God made you to be.
you could have the best roommate in the world, the most romantic boyfriend ever, the most sensitive friends, and they all (even combined) could never meet the same standards that God does.
learning this is a process. accepting that people in your life can't meet God-like standards is not like taking a test once and getting an A. learning about your relationship with God and how that translates into your human relationships is like learning to snowboard....
you cruise for a little bit but then catch an edge and face-plant. you spend a lot of time on your butt when you're learning, but eventually you can ride smoothly. however, you can always fall again, even if you're pro like Shawn White. it's about understanding why you fell, then picking your sore butt back up and trying again.
feels like thats the way a lot of things are when it comes to God...
let's put our hope in God. hope that he will give us the beautiful lives we deserve (with beautiful people) according to his will. let's not constantly put our hope in others... letdown is painful.
i often find myself being let-down. it's easy to point fingers at another and blame them for not meeting your expectations, but what if we've placed too much stock in others?
as i girl, a guy tells you you're beautiful and it makes you feel good the whole day. you're boyfriend bring you flowers, the guy behind you in the grocery line lends you a few dollars, or your roommate spontaneously vacuums your apartment. i'm not saying people shouldn't do nice things for one another, but do we place too much value in these little things that make us feel special or loved?
do we too often expect people to always make us feel special and loved? why?
there is a God who thought we were so special He sent His son to die for us. not to get all sunday morning preachy or anything, but God always thinks were special and always loves us, so why is it so important for others to do the same?
when someone in your life makes you feel special, you feel it presently, tangibly. God's love is much more undefinable, everlasting, intangible, and hard to grasp.... but that's why it's so beautiful.
we should treat each other with respect considering we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, but holding mere humans to the same standard as God? not going to happen. should we lower our expectations? maybe. but not at the cost of our self-respect. if your friends or boyfriend/girlfriend is flat-out treating you like crap, then no, do not lower your standards. you deserve to be treated as the beautiful creation God made you to be.
you could have the best roommate in the world, the most romantic boyfriend ever, the most sensitive friends, and they all (even combined) could never meet the same standards that God does.
learning this is a process. accepting that people in your life can't meet God-like standards is not like taking a test once and getting an A. learning about your relationship with God and how that translates into your human relationships is like learning to snowboard....
you cruise for a little bit but then catch an edge and face-plant. you spend a lot of time on your butt when you're learning, but eventually you can ride smoothly. however, you can always fall again, even if you're pro like Shawn White. it's about understanding why you fell, then picking your sore butt back up and trying again.
feels like thats the way a lot of things are when it comes to God...
let's put our hope in God. hope that he will give us the beautiful lives we deserve (with beautiful people) according to his will. let's not constantly put our hope in others... letdown is painful.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
3D movies.
avatar was mind-blowingly awesome. the visuals, the uniqueness, everything. i might just go see it again.
the message in it is also pretty neat. the movies speaks to the viewer of the heinous corruption of the capitalist society and greedy americas. the "do whatever it takes to make the big bucks" idea contrasted with the creatures living in harmony with nature and their spiritual tree thing. you can predict who is going to win that one...
i left the theatre being a little sad to be part of that nation who is doing a similar thing in the middle east (not saying iraqis are tree huggers who are 10 feet tall and wear thongs). the movie was brilliant and captivated the viewer from start to finish.
a beautiful movie.
i give it 2 thumbs way way up.
the best movie i have seen in a long time.
go see it. now.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
the best best friend ever.
when you're feeling down, and i mean really down, nothing lifts your spirits like being surprised by your best friend and him bringing you scrumptious chocolate frozen yogurt with cookie dough. last night was the closest to happy i've felt in a long time.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
monterey
my family. the sunsets. the chilly weather. beverlys. my kitty. myo. my girlfriends. fresh air. my boyfriend.
all will be dearly missed this semester.
all will be dearly missed this semester.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
movies
fun afternoon sharing delicious popcorn with my mother.
good movie. depth.
and i was knitting at the same time.
perfection.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
coral de tierra
the best place to stargaze in the entire state of california.
especially when you're in the arms of someone you love.
especially when you're in the arms of someone you love.
who knew?
apparently starbucks makes cupcakes.
how did i discover this?
today was my last day working at beverly's for the winter and my managers love me.
i love that job and love them.
i am excited for inventory in the summer.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
cowl.
decided to knit a cowl.
having a hard time deciding on a color.
nothing is more relaxing than drinking a caramel latte from starbucks, looking out on the monterey bay, and knitting.
this is my inspiration...
this is my inspiration...
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